On our blog this month, we are trying to make the love last—not the lovemaking act itself, but the relationship in which such delightful prospects are possible. What is the secret to making love last? As it turns out, love alone is not enough. Many argue that humor is the key. Science tells us that kindness and generosity are essential to longevity in relationships (in life, too). But even kindness and generosity and generosity are not enough.
Our research produced a list inline with what we expected. Here are the top 10 tips for making love last:
- Trust. In business and in love, trust is the foundation of any successful, long-term relationship. Certainly, betrayal is a very real part of life, but a deep, abiding trust can withstand it.
- Quality Time. Your time and undivided attention are all your loved one really wants. Taking time together to share stories, develop new stories, laugh, and get to know each other better strengthens the relationship. Such QT is also a great stress-reliever: by focusing exclusively on your loved one, you are better able to let go of the stresses of the day.
- Good Communication. Talk to each other. Chances are good that your lover is not a mind reader. Healthy community takes practice and hard work but is always worthwhile. Problems are solved, affectionate and creative ideas are born with good communication. In sharing what is important in our life we feed love and shape our future.
- Small Acts of Kindness. Your small acts of kindness not only help your relationship, they can change the world. The Bible tells us “As you sow, so shall you reap.” Kindness engenders kindness.
- Expressions of Love. Say those three little words. It feels wonderful to tell someone you love how you feel, but don’t make your declaration of love dependent upon a mirrored response. Say it freely. Give love without any expectations. The gift is its own reward.
- Gratitude. To quote Meister Eckhart, “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice.” Grateful people are happier and less stressed. They are more enthusiastic, alert, energetic, and determined. They do not deny that bad things happen in the world and in relationships, but they don’t dwell on them. Being one of them – for your own health and for that of your relationship.
- Space. Space is the place where things happen. With enough space and time alone, we can pursue our own passions and cultivate self-love, without which love of other is not possible.
- Physical Affection. According to Psychology Today, “Tactile physical affection is highly correlated with overall relationship and partner satisfaction.” Skin-to-skin contact releases oxytocin, the love hormone. Touch is calming and comforting. Touch is our first language. Nonverbal communication is essential to deepening romantic relationships.
- Ritual. A weekly date night is a popular ritual that deepens bonds. Small symbolic gestures such as making coffee every morning or a kiss before leaving create structure in our lives. “Ritual reminds us of a larger, archetypal reality and invokes in us a visceral understanding of such universal paradigms as unity, continuity, connectivity, reverence and awe. Like sex, ceremony — solitary or shared — offers us a way to relate intimately with the primordial universal force and allows us to embrace that sacred power that informs and fuels all existence.” (Donna Hennes, Huffington Post, read the full article here.)
- Cooking. Beyond fulfilling the biological need for food, cooking together creates a unique bond. A shared focus in the kitchen gives us the opportunity experiment, and communicate together.
As foodies, we love #10 so much that we are going to explore it in a little more depth in our next blog post. Get your aprons ready!
Creative Commons Image by Brian Hartley for Contact Jam, where dancers and musicians practise their skills by improvisation, jamming, or taking time out to watch others.
Tags: Valentine's Day